empty lake, empty streets

AKB 34: 1,277 words

AKB notes to myself: 377 words

Appetite: 733 words (main document: 46,560/75,000)

Yuletide: 0 *sighs*

Catchallathon: 0 *sighs moar*

Sekrit pinch hit: 0

What's bad: Medical stuff on Monday and again today have kind of kept me sidelined and I haven't gotten much done for the past three days. It's vexing and frustrating, especially since I have so many things I need to get done. I'm FINE; I've just been at the doctor/dentist/specialist a lot in the last couple weeks and I'm sick of it.

I still feel very shaky about my ability to write my Yuletide fic, even after a rewatch of the canon. I mean, I'm sure it'll be fine, but there's not MUCH canon and it's a fandom I've never written, even though I'm perfectly conversant with it. I'm also thinking the POV might be different than I initially thought. Tomorrow is Cleaning Day, so I'm going to flee to Panera and hope I can just bang this out and get it off my plate.

I have vague inklings for my Catchall fic and my SPH fic, where 'inkling' does not equal actual words.

What's good: I'm extremely glad that all my desire to write Appetite didn't die at the moment the calendar ticked over into December. I still love Gabe and Matt as much as I ever have and I'm having pangs about working on anything else. Which is not making this scene go any easier, but we take our silver linings where we can get them.

It feels good to be working on AKB again, though. I feel rusty, but I think I did a really good job breaking where I did and how I did; there was definitely the feel of an act coming to an end when MLP showed up and the mid-month new chapter with Cate and Jeff had just a big enough jump in time (I figure it's been about 3 days at that point) to offset any writing weirdness on my part. I was really torn between filling in those 3 days from Jensen's POV and writing the part immediately following AKB 33, so I think I'm going to cheat a little and have it both ways. We'll see if it works.

Surprisingly, given how much I have NOT been feeling the Sam/Dean, I've had sap-like yearnings to go back to By The Blade or By The Handle, which is both a relief and a pleasure. I really MISS writing Sam and Dean (and Sam/Dean) and re-reading the 3 chapters I've written reminded me of how much I really, really love Heartverse, a period of time when they are past so much of the fraughtness of their current relationship and so happy, despite whatever hardships they face.

What pleases me: "I'm sure I can manage," Jensen says, unfolding the list. There's half a dozen titles with titles like Institutionalized Inhumanity: Bureaucratic Facilitation of Slavery in the Early Modern Period, To Know One's Place: The Effect of Societal Expectations on the Slave Psychological Profile and Performance/Anxiety: Body-slaves and Other Forms of Institutionalized Sexual Sadism.

God, people actually write about this shit? And it's legal?

Pushing Daisies

( spoilers )

Oh, show, I will miss you so much!

I watched Life, then, and I really do enjoy Crews and Reese's partnership, and I kind of love Ted a lot, but they need to get rid of Donal Logue. Also, I need to catch up on all the eps I missed.

And now it's L&O with Katee, and I am fading fast. I was at work late and I didn't sleep well last night, and man, I am totally going to bed when this is over.

***

Guys. Maybe it's just the exhaustion talking*, and maybe I'm highly susceptible to suggestion at the moment, but I'm wondering: do you guys think that self-publishing "The Second Circle" through something like Lulu Press is an option? Not in its current form, obviously: I am NOT gonna self-publish something with the names of Ryan Ross and Spencer Smith attached, thank you, not even under a nom-de-plume.

However, when I've got people who aren't even IN bandom dropping me comments to tell me how much they loved the story, well...that's something to look at, maybe? And I'm NGL, I need the money hella bad. Baby needs a new eye exam and prescription for glasses! And a computer whose battery doesn't fail in half an hour! And a car that isn't patched together from spare parts! And -- well, you get the picture.

But how to go about doing this? As I said, I wouldn't be comfortable self-publishing a story with the actual names of Ryan and Spencer attached -- I don't know if that's libel or legally wonky or anything, but I wouldn't personally be okay with doing that. Obviously it's a little different from other kinds of fanfiction because you're not actually using someone else's universe, but there still might be something that someone could legally take an exception to. Even in the limited space of self-publishing, there's a chance someone might see it when I really don't want them to. Plus I know there are people on my flist who have said they will read anything of mine besides RPS. On the other hand, maybe most of my flist -- and let's face it, you're my primary prospective customer base -- wouldn't be interested in the story unless it was specifically RPS and Bandom? I don't know.

What do you think? Here, let's have a poll!

Poll #2814 To publish or not to publish?
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Would you buy a copy of Second Circle?

*I have been having the weirdest dreams the last few nights. Not proper nightmares, just...weird, bad dreams. I don't know what's going on, I feel pretty much okay when I'm awake. :/

CHARACTER LIST: A - I | CHARACTER LIST: J - O | CHARACTER LIST: P -Z, JUDGES | RULES & FAQ's | APPLICATION | DROP BOX

idolexposed -- Ever wonder what happens to your favorite contestants behind the scenes of American Idol, when the cameras are off and the lights go down? Who's hooking up with whom? Who causes drama behind the scenes, and what's the latest gossip on the set? What happens to the contestants once they've been voted off of the show, and how do they handle it offstage? American Idol Exposed has all of the answers to those questions, and more.</b>

Do you play an AMERICAN IDOL contestant or judge, or want to, and are looking for a fun & friendly place to play that is all-Idol, all the time? THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU! Tons of your favorite Idol contestants from each season, still available! Check the taken list to see who is taken and who is still needed -- anyone not taken, is welcome, regardless of where they placed in their season! No writing samples to provide. Five week update limit. Adds done daily. Now open to the Top 24 contestants of any American Idol season! We are very friendly here, and will be accepting of anyone who placed in the top 24!

Pick your favorite, and join the fun today!

This was so not what I meant to write last night. *facepalm*

Quidquid deliquisti
Supernatural; girl!Sam/Dean; au; spoilers through 4.10; adult; 1,620 words
Sam can't throw stones.

Thanks to mousapelli for listening to my titling woes.

( let he who is without sin cast the first stone )

~*~

Feedback is always welcome.

~*~

Last night was my first time at the Signature Theater's new venue; the company spent ten years staging productions in a old garage before moving into the shiny new building complex next to a cinema that once had the best parking conditions in the area; now you can't park at all. It took some time. The company was on the second floor with a bar, a piano, a glass wall, a Christmas tree, and two blackbox theaters. It was opening night, and before the show began we spotted the director, Eric Shaeffer, watching, along with the choreographer and a couple of other important people. A member of the audience also fell ill during the first act, and they stopped the show so she could be carried out, which impressed my mom.
As a teenager I saw the original production in London, with, as mom noted several times last night, the rotating stage, which is really more of a pageant than anything else, especially when you're some way back in the audience. Obviously when you're doing a show like this in the more intimate blackbox major revamping is the order of the day. The set was minimalist, the costumes less fancy, and there was much less belting going on. Not that it was gone all together, if only because the actors playing Javert and Cosette had both played their roles on Broadway. With Cosette is mattered less, since the poor girl really isn't given much to do, but Javert brought an intensity to it that made me worry he would literally drown Valjean out during their confrontation. But Valjean knew what he was doing; he could play it more human than usual blackbox-style, and he could dial it up at the right point to strike our ears, or hold his own against Javert. Javert was also the one who noticed the ill audience member and called the stop to the show, and hearing his street voice was jarring. It was right before he sang "Stars," and we gave him quite the round of applause for that number. My parents and I also stood up for him during the bows; he was arguably the best of the show.
The idea of the show, I think, is to remove the detachment you normally get, and that worked. I teared up several times, particularly during "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables"(their Marius was also particularly good).

I had this awful dream last night where someone on my flist sent me links to go look at a community that was rehabbing and woobiefying the Comedian because he's being played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I threw up a little in my mouth. And then I woke up and was a little queasy at how plausible the dream was.

Night before last, I dreamt I went on a bunch of job interviews. *shudder* On the upside, I was apparently Pam Beesly in the dream, so I got to make out with Jim Halpert.

Speaking of whom, John Krasinski and Zachary Levi need to star in something together. Think of the adorable!

I don't even know. I was hoping to have fic to post, but as always lately, I have distracted myself from writing again.

*goes back to it*

***

While I was writing up character analyses today -- it's something I do preparatory to writing a story -- I think I came up with a good insight about the Pied Piper (one of my favorite supporting characters from The Flash). I think part of the reason he dislikes his actual name so much, to the point that almost everyone -- cape, crook and civilian -- calls him 'Piper', is that the doesn't identify with it all.

I mean that he doesn't recognize it as his *name*, because he was profoundly deaf from birth until about the age of seven (at which point he had an operation that replaced his cochleae with cybernetics that gave him his incredible hearing and lead to his obsession with music and sonics -- it's a comic book world, just go with it). If he has any name that he identifies with other than 'Piper', it's in ASL, which would just about have to be his first language.

I think the name issue will be an important theme, if I do actually manage to write a story here...

Do you miss the old days of role-playing, when people worked for story-lines and didn't expect things handed to them on a silver platter?

Do you miss the days when games were about posting threads and logs, not LULZ AIM chats and macros? Or about content and plot, not about popular faces, challenging each other's holds, and who has the best icons?

Do you struggle to find places to advertise when communities like ~rps and ~pbads push your ads off the page within hours?

Do you wish you could find games like that still and don't know where to look for them?

Welcome to Old School RP. This is the ad community you've been missing.

oldschoolrp

I feel like Homer Simpson in that Halloween episode of The Simpsons that spoofed The Shining. Except instead of television, it's the Interwebz that has me going into murderous withdrawal and encroaching insanity.

See, I have satellite internet. Most of the time, it's pretty damn good and it's the only thing that I could get, living where I am. Unfortunately it has two major drawbacks: a) it's an invisible beam going up to a satellite in the sky, so if there's heavy clouds or rain or a tree in the way, service gets interrupted (have I mentioned that I live in OREGON? In the COUNTRYSIDE? With fir trees that reach two hundred feet and a six-month rainy season?); b) I have a monthly download cap that, if I or anyone in my house exceeds, our bandwidth gets chopped in half. They do this to prevent pirating.

So, I missed the Sons of Anarchy season finale and couldn't find it anywhere on the TV schedule on repeat, and chose to download it. Surprise surprise, that put me over the usage cap. So for the next week we're puttering about on lowwwww Internet capabilities.

*fingers her axe* (And that's not a euphemism.)

*****

Another thing I hate about living out here: the way the men in my hometown treat women. Either we're sex objects or we're non-existent. I had this really driven home for me last night when these two regulars came into the pub. They're a married couple who are amicably divorcing, so this was sort of their last night out on the town together before she moved out.

Now, they seem pretty cool and the guy's all right on the (very) relative scale of guys I see around me; but it was amazing to see how she just...disappeared. He started talking to my male coworker and another guy at the bar, and NONE OF THEM referred to her by name. It was "my wife" or "your wife" and shit. Every time she started to say something, one of the guys would talk over her. It wasn't even hostility on their part, it seems like the divorce was totally a case of "your life is going in that direction, mine is over here, I'm sorry, I still love you." They just didn't see her as a human being.

I finally slid down to the end of the bar to chat with her because I felt so bad. She's clearly an awesome person (I heard her taking one of the guys to task for being a homophobe) and turns out to be an artist (she's gonna send me her portfolio so maybe she might be a comic book illustrator for me!), but none of that mattered to any of these guys. They didn't even refer to her by name (AMELIA, MOTHERFUCKERS, HER NAME IS AMELIA, JESUS). It was fucking unbelievable.

*STELE3 SMASH PUNY BAR PATRONS*

Christmas season is setting in apon us. Advent calenders are beginning, one radio station is playing constant Christmas music-though there's an annoying amount of static on the radio these past couple of days-the decorations are out.
I got annoyed already by their still never playing Waitress' Christmas Wrapping, so I went to imeem and listened to it there. :-) Turns out there's a version by the Spice Girls too, but I didn't listen to that. Yet. I also fished out one of my favorite short stories, a funny ditty called "Mrs. Patterson's Pageant." I also googled it, there's a copy on the net, but only if you have a subscription to this database. Otherwise I'd link to it. Ah well.
Tonight, however, is Les Miserables.

The fandom-as-relationship meme, gacked this time from minim_calibre:

(Is this about sources or about fandoms? Because my responses might be different. Um. And I added one, which I mentioned in my comments last time I did this.)

The one who seduced you and fucked you over and broke your heart in a million pieces and laughed about it: X-Men Movieverse, I think, even still. Because by the time HP killed off Remus, I'd already moved on. But I can't even enjoy rereading my XMM stuff. I get queasy thinking about it. And I've never even seen X3. I could also put Gilmore Girls here, because wow, I am STILL bitter.

The old flame you don't see very often any more but whom you still really enjoy getting together with for a few drinks and maybe a pleasant nostalgic romp in the sheets: HP. Firefly. BtVS/Angel. West Wing. Sports Night. What? I have a lot of fandoms!

The mysterious dark gothy one whom you used to sit up with talking until 3 a.m. at weird coffeehouses and with whom you were quite smitten until you realized ze really was fucking crazy: Veronica Mars.

The one you spent a whole weekend in bed with and who drank up all your liquor, and whom you'd still really like to fuck again although you're relieved ze doesn't actually live in town: Dark Angel.

The steady: Supernatural. It's not the healthiest relationship, but it's happy-making when it's working, and oh, boy, has it been working this season.

The one you repeatedly cheat on your steady with: Ocean's Eleven. Iron Man.

The one you find yourself too tongue-tied to do anything but stare at adoringly, clinging to hir every word: Battlestar Galactica. I really want to write BSG fic, but all my brain wants to do is go ZOMG KARA IS AWESOME. So.

The alluring stranger whom you've flirted with at parties but have never gotten really serious with: in terms of writing: Bones. I'd like to write Bones, but I just can't get motivated. Mostly because the show is giving me what I want re: Booth/Brennan. I still need to write that SPN crossover, though.

The one you hang out with and have vague fantasies about maybe having a thing with but ultimately you're just good buddies 'cause the friendship is there but the chemistry ain't: again in terms of writing: Chuck. I love watching it and talking about it, but I have almost no interest in reading or writing fic for it. Same goes for Pushing Daisies.

The one you think you might marry, but you need to spend some more time together: Friday Night Lights (though again, not necessarily from a writing standpoint) It was rocky last season, but wow, it pulled itself up out of that rough patch beautifully.

The one your friends keep introducing you to and who seems like a hell of a cool peep except it's never really gone anywhere: Life. I just never actually remember it's on.

The one you slept with on the rebound who still smiles at you, yet you have no interest in any more: House.

The one who's slept with all your friends, and you keep looking at hir and thinking, "Hir? How the hell did ze land all these cool babes?": SGA

The one your friend has fallen for like a ton of bricks and whom ze keeps babbling to you about on the phone for hours, and you'd be happy for hir except you just know it's going to end badly: Heroes. Well. It kind of already has, no?

***

And I know it's not funny, really, but the more I read about the whole Plaxico Burress thing, the more hilarious I find it. He used Harris Smith as his alias in the hospital, and told them he got shot at Applebee's. (source) I can't even... I don't have words for that level of WTFery.

Apparently Mad-Eye Moody was right and you shouldn't shove a loaded gun into your sweatpants: YOU COULD LOSE A BUTTOCK!

***

[eta] From the AWESOME files: ZOMBIE HAIKU:

Zombie Haiku by Dylan Thomas
Do not go gentle
into that zombie plagued night.
And take the shotgun.

*dies*

***

Further in the series of fanfic stories that I want, don't want to write and no one will write for me...

I want the Pretty Woman story where Edward follows exactly in his father's footsteps: marries the poor Vivienne and eventually ends up cheating on her and divorcing her for someone richer and more appropriate. I don't really want Vivienne and Edward to end up bitter enemies or anything, I just want something about Edward's inelasticity to change and how he shoots himself in the foot with it and a Vivienne who feels bad for him and did her best to change/help him but in the end, had to go her own way and not be Edward's Pygmalion anymore. And she's okay and Edward's kind of not.

Um. Or something.

I realize I never posted about last week's Bones. ( spoilers )

Then tonight I watched Pushing Daisies. I am still incredibly SAD that it's been cancelled, because its AWESOME CANNOT BE TEXTUALLY RENDERED. ( spoilers ) I am going to miss the show so much - it kind of hurts to watch knowing there is so little left - but I will be looking forward to the dvds.

And then there was Chuck. ( spoilers )

***

It's December. It snuck up on me, and punched me right in the nose too. Probably I should be posting gifts in order of who requested, or alphabetical, or something more impartial, but really I'm just getting these done in order of What's Easiest For Me. Thus, a reclist first!

Merry Christmas squigglepie and shinodarely. I hope you (any everyone else) enjoy these fics as much as I did. I hope you haven't both already read all of these! I hope you can rec me some more to read after all this Christmas cheer is over.

BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM). [...] Many activities can be found under the umbrella of BDSM, which include — but are not limited to — forms of dominance, submission, discipline, punishment, bondage, sexual roleplaying, sexual fetishism, sadomasochism, and power exchange, as well as the full spectrum of mainstream personal and sexual interactions.

An important distinction is that BDSM is not a form of sexual abuse — although some BDSM activities may appear to be violent or coercive, such activities are conducted with the consent of all partners involved. BDSM relationships and practices are exercised under the philosophy of "safe, sane and consensual" (SSC), or the somewhat more permissive philosophy of "risk-aware consensual kink"

- Wikipedia

( BDSM themed recs (and applicable warnings) )

dw_fest is a challenge community, inspired by slashfest @ LJ with the difference that this fest is limited to Doctor Who, Torchwood and the Sarah Jane Adventures (and any other show/movie/etc related to them)
- For questions, check out this post
- Rules can be found here
CLAIMING PROMPTS IS OPEN! Go check them out here

tv_icontest is a multifandom icontest. Every challenge will be centered around a different TV Show.
The current challenge is all about Sarah Jane Adventures. Entries are due on 6 December (Saturday). To enter go here.

10prompts is a challenge community for fic writers. Right now there are 10 tables (10 prompts each) to pick from. All fandoms as well as slash, het and gen are welcome. All questions can be asked in the rules post.

harry_slash is for stories, art and anything else that features Harry Potter in a slash pairing. It's open for any rating and pairing (as long as it features Harry and is slash of course ;) ). Any questions left? Ask here.

stargate_xover is a place where you can post anything that's a crossover with either of the Stargate series. Any rating and any pairing is welcome. Questions can be asked here.

dw_threesomes is for any and all threesomes for Doctor Who, Torchwood and the Sara Jane Adventures. Comment here for questions.

fandom_caps is an asylum where you can post and/or request screencaps for any TV show, movie, you love. We're open to all fandoms! Go here for the rules, questions and more.

icon_help is a place to share tips about making icons, post tutorials and questions. You're also welcome to share locations(!) of resources such as screencaps, brushes and textures you like to use.

I can't believe it's December already. Wasn't it just February? What the hell happened to this year? I guess that means it's time for the monthly wrap-up.

Top 5 songs - November 2008

5. Handle Bars - the Flobots

4. Dilaudid - the Mountain Goats

3. Devil's Playground - Gram Rabbit

2. Deep Red Bells - Neko Case

1. It's a Shame About Ray - Lemonheads

~*~

Monthly writing round-up – November 2008

Riddle Me This
Supernatural; Dean and Sam; pg; 1,020 words
Sam and Dean meet a sphinx. Hijinks ensue.

I've never been too good with names (but I remember faces)
Supernatural; Sam and Dean; pg; spoilers through 4.08; 8,330 words
Dean's glad that Sam is focusing on the case and not what Dean can't or won't say about what he remembers.

Angel Radio
Supernatural; Dean/Anna; spoilers through the promo for 4.10; adult; 2,545 words
"The world could end tomorrow."

Tale as Old as Time
Supernatural; Dean; g; no spoilers; 1,880 words
"You're the one who's so great with kids, or so you keep telling me."

A Moveable Feast
Supernatural; Mary, John, Dean, Sam; g; 2,675 words
Five Winchester Thanksgivings

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Considering all my bitching about not being able to write, it was a pretty good month. I guess I am just frustrated with a number of my wsip, and also, I keep forgetting to forward myself the catchallathon document so I can work on that. I am pretty happy with these stories, though, especially "I've never been too good with names," which turned out almost exactly like I wanted it to, even though I didn't realize that while I was writing. Thanks again to everyone who's commented. I really appreciate it, more than I can say.

~*~

I also updated unfitforsociety this morning with 22 recs for November 2008:

* 13 Supernatural
* 3 Dark Angel
* 2 Iron Man
* 2 Crossovers
* 1 each Friday Night Lights and Anne of Green Gables

~*~

the "Be Pete Wentz" meme:

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. The first lines of twenty songs = a poem; the first line of the twenty-first song is the title

( breathe it in and breathe it out )

Huh. That's not half bad. I didn't write down the songs, but I think most of them are obvious. I suppose if I were more ambitious, I'd have uploaded each of them, 'cause it's not a bad mix, either.

It's only Monday. I do not know how I am going to survive this week. Wah.

~*~

asylum_adoption

For people who want to give away Asylums they have created but no longer want

( Graphic under cut )

Your Song is a present day RPG that takes place at the fictional Presley School for the Performing Arts in Yonkers, New York, just outside of New York City.

Students must audition for a specialty (dance, music, art, technical theatre, drama) to obtain a coveted spot at this prestigious academy.

All characters in the game are based on famous songs!

Characters are in their junior and senior years of high school, and must be pursuing some career in the arts.

So why don't you tell everybody that this is your song by placing a hold today?

MANY songs are still available, and almost any song will be allowed as long as you can create a character that is in the essence of the original song.

Launch Game Information in New Window

Presley School for the Performing Arts ♫ Game Rules
Characters ♫ Holds ♫ Application

your_song ♫♪♫ your_mods ♫♪♫ your_ooc

Oh my god, you guys, it is SO FUCKING HOT in my apartment right now. I am sitting here in my underwear with the window open, but the heat is still banging in the pipes. If I disappear, it's probably because I've been broiled to death. *fans self*

*

I was very happy to see the Giants did not, in fact, need Plaxico Burress to win. Let's hope that keeps up. I still am all WTF? about the whole thing. He literally shot himself in the foot leg. *shakes head* The depths of dumbness required for that are best not plumbed.

*

This week, Katee Sackhoff is on Law & Order. I may actually watch in first run for that. They're actually advertising her like she's a big star or something. I am a little confused.

I've mentioned the Chuck casting spoiler, right? ( casting spoiler ) Now if they would just get Lena Olin to show up as Chuck and Ellie's mom. That would be so BEYOND AWESOME.

*

You guys, I am having trouble writing. I am having plotting issues again. I was rereading some of resonant8's posts on plot, and other stuff about writing I've got in my memories, and I just...I find it really difficult to come up with an external plot that is complicated enough to be interesting, but not needlessly complicated, and something that doesn't rely on Sam and Dean being idiots to work. And obviously that somehow underlines or illustrates something going on with Sam and Dean, which is kind of the whole point, anyway. The plot is just a macguffin, but I'd like it to be one that keeps people reading until the emoporn hits, you know? I recently read something that, well, the whole problem could have been prevented if Sam had just done ten minutes of research, and since it's Sam, not only was it annoying that he didn't do the research if I thought of it, but it was out of character for him to not do it, since, hi, have you met Sam, the walking encyclopedia of weird? But there would have been no story if he had. Or the writer would have had to have come up with a way around the answer research would have given him. And that is the kind of thing I am really really bad at in my own stories (though I can sometimes spot them in other people's).

But I just had a conversation with angelgazing and she made some suggestions, and while it's a lot more complicated now (possibly more complicated than I can handle, as plot and I are unmixy things), I think it's also more interesting and it's got more of a story to hang the emoporn on. It might also take me a really long time to figure out and write, but it's not like I don't have a whole list of other thigns I want to write, too.

In my frustration with that last night, I ended up banging out (no pun intended) some snarky up-against-a-wall Dean/Bela smut:

Opposition Research
Supernatural; Dean/Bela; adult; 1,080 words
"You know, when this is over, we should really have some angry sex."

Because there's no other way Bela got the hand of glory out of his jacket pocket. And I am still bitter we never got any Dean/Bela angry sex in canon.

*

Seriously, I think I'm melting.

*